Finding Prince Charming?

From a very young age, little girls everywhere are given the expectation of a man just for her that is rich, of a ‘royal lineage’, strong, and will constantly come to her rescue.  Girls are taught that it’s ok to be the damsel in distress because her true love will come to her rescue. 

While trusting that there is a Mr. Dark, tall, and handsome out there for you is not a bad thing, perhaps the expectations we have forced onto our future spouse before even encountering him is a bit unrealistic. Is it ever ok to trust and depend on a man? (No offense men…I have a point to make)  I feel that we all-too-often try to pawn off the role of God onto our male friends. We expect Mr. Right to make us happy, to define us, to make us feel wanted.  We go so far as to think that our lives are not complete without this special man.

As daughters of the King we are taught to live like him.  To love unconditionally and to trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5).  Are we really trusting in God when we don’t feel complete in Him? He completes us. He gives us purpose. In Him our true identity lies.

Does this mean that you can’t have a knight in shining armor love? Of course not, it simply means that while God may have a mate out there for you, that man is not the one you should be depending on; God is.

“Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.”

-Psalm 146:3

This does not mean that you should lose all hope in the male population or decide to enlist in your local nunnery, it simply means that while you are waiting and anticipating the arrival of your “prince charming”, never forget to remain focused on the King. In Him there is salvation. True Joy. Identity.

So instead of looking for a man that completes you, wait for the man that resembles his King.  A man that finds his identity in Christ and has learned to fully depend on the in whom there is salvation…A man that sings of your worth and draws you closer to your Fatherly King.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” –Proverbs 27:17

Why “The Bachelor” is a Youth (and Girl’s) Minister’s Worst Nightmare.

In the society we live in there are no problems recognized in spending hours in front of the television.  We seldom find family-focused programming that is advantageous and appropriate for all ages, yet most children, teens, and adults spend approximately 3 hours in front of the television everyday.  I recently came across a well-known show that has since 2002: The Bachelor. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the program, The Bachelor is about 1 man seeking a “mate” in a sea of females that dropped their current lives in hopes of becoming “the one” for this man.  In the show these women share a living quarters together while also sharing the bachelor; they fight for his attention and affection and compromise their reputations in the process.  ABC describes the show as follows:

The series revolves around a bachelor courted by 25 women. The show follows the bachelor as he goes on a series of dates with the women, some of them group dates, some one-on-one dates.

On each episode women are eliminated, generally during the rose ceremony at the end of the episode, but sometimes on the dates (during what are called "elimination dates").

The process culminates towards the end of the season with a few of the women going on overnight dates and meetings between the bachelor, the women, and their respective families.

At the end of the show, the bachelor is to pick one woman with whom he would like to continue a relationship. Sometimes he proposes marriage and sometimes other levels of commitment.

There are several problems with this picture.  For starters, there are 25 women and only one man.  This sends young girls a wide, difficult range of messages; that they should be the pursuers, and not only should they pursue instead of the man, but that they should be fighting for this man’s attention along side other girls.  This goes against the Biblical truth of being precious, rare, and worthy of being sought out. 

The show has an interesting twist in have “one-on-one” dates along with “group dates”.  On these group dates the bachelor attempts to spend equal time with all of the girls, sending the message that a guy can disperse his attention and it’s perfectly acceptable for the girl(s) to sit on the sidelines and watch when he is not with her.  Again, if a girl is to feel valued and precious, how is this to happen when she is the focus for 10 minutes and then put to the side as he moves on to the next girl?

Being unbalanced and unrealistic is only the beginning of the subliminal messages youth gather from this series.  These women are hungry for attention and what they call love, and they are sacrificing their modesty and dignity to do so.  Standing by and watching as these women dress (or undress) for attention and momentarily receive it from this man sends girls the message that it is ok to dress inappropriately for attention, and not only is it approved of, but it works!!

Since all of these women are fighting for the heart of the same man, they are willing to do whatever it takes to make the others look terrible.  This includes lies, seduction, betrayal, and even the occasional brawl.  While all of this is going on, teens are interpreting this as a means of survival and a way to get what you want when you want it.  It sends the message that these things are acceptable when they get you ahead in the game-yet we wonder why this generation is all about self and doing whatever it takes to be ‘happy’. 

As I mentioned before these ladies put their lives on pause to pursue this bachelor.  While I cannot imagine sacrificing my time, plans, and agenda to spend time with a man and 24 other ladies, these women compromised their dreams and aspirations in hopes of finding love.  In the ending episodes of the show the remaining women spend the night with the bachelor and begin really discussing the possibilities of the future.  Not only do these women give up their lifestyles of pre-bachelor, but they give themselves away sexually in hopes of winning the bachelors love.  All of this is done before he even commits to one of the ladies.  Dreams and aspirations can be compromised and changed, but sex cannot.   We have belittled the sacredness of sex and the value of trusting God to draw us to one another in His timing.  Girls need to know their worth, not feel like they are dispensable. 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Proverbs 25:11

Although ‘apples of gold’ is not an often spoken of subject in our everyday life, the right words at the right time is always a beautiful thing.  The phrase “actions speak louder than words” isn’t always the case.  Just like our actions, words can form out a variety of intentions and motivations, but what if we did and said things not to be “heard”, but to show, share, and live love?

Since my return from Uganda, I have been deliberately trying to figure out what makes people smile the most…we are guilty of not slowing down enough in life to enjoy the small things, so I wanted to figure out a few ways to make life more enjoyable-even in the chaos.

·      Smile first. 

·      Ask, “How are you?” and actually stop to hear the response.

·      Hold the door open for others-simple, I know

·      Send random cards/letters/packages-yes, students get really excited about random, unexpected mail.

·      Laugh even when the jokes aren’t funny.

·      Listen.  Be actively engaged in the conversations you have-show people the respect they deserve.

·      Go out of your way to acknowledge others-There is nothing worse than feeling invisible to the world.

·      Be present.  Wherever you are, be completely there. Soak up the here and now instead of dwelling on the future. 

I am all too often disappointed in humanity and the way we treat one another, and it’s past time for us to change that.  We are called to love one and all, and my challenge to you is to bring about that change.  Speak words of encouragement.  Be intentional.  Be gracious.  Be present.  

I Think I Caught Something in Africa

P.U.S.D. Post Uganda Sadness Disorder.  It may not be clinically proven, but it's real.  I didn't know what to expect when it came to my return to the States, but after being home for a few weeks I would definitely say it covers a wide range of emotions.  It's not that I don't want to be back at Williams or even back in the States-honestly, I have enjoyed seeing everyone and value the time I spend with others all the more after discovering so much about relationships in Uganda.....It's the small things that make me sad-Like the lack of warmth, the pace of life here, not seeing my precious little brothers every morning, and yes, I even miss the simple food and lack of options.  I guess rice and beans has become a newfound "comfort food" for me.  

The hardest part about being back is answering all the questions.  My personal two favorites are "How was Uganda?" and "What's next?".  I just don't know how to explain four outrageously incredible months of my life in one sitting.  Honestly, I feel like a lot of it hasn't even sunk in yet.  And then the question that every soon-to-be college grad dreads.....what does the future hold for me?  Where do I see myself in 5 years?  What's next?  

I have pretty much avoided giving a direct answer to that question and me not knowing is only the tip of that iceberg.  One thing Uganda taught me in both deciding to go there and staying there for a prolonged amount of time is that God is going to use you no matter what "path" you choose.  Being such a planner, this is quite the challenge for me, but I know whatever God has up his sleeve is better than what I could muster up on my own.  Instead of dwelling on the future, Uganda taught me to invest in the here and now.  

On the other hand, being back to the States has been quite the adventure.  Over the course of three weeks I have moved back into the dorms for my last semester of college, figured out a couple of next steps in life, and baked like there's no tomorrow! I think I missed stoves a little more than I realized.  It’s been great reliving the past five months as I tell stories about what I encountered and how much Uganda (and Africa as a whole) has stolen my heart.  

All Over Again

Life as I know it is about to change once again.  Last night (December 9^th) was my last night with my Ugandan family.  We have three days of debrief in Entebbe and then I am Arkansas bound.  It feels like just last week I was arriving in Uganda and now I am leaving once again.  I remember thinking about how different my life here in Uganda was going to be, and I was right….my time here has changed my life, but more than that, it has changed how I value things; especially people. 

It is all too easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and miss out on the incredible people that God has placed within your life.  My time here has taught me to slow down; to stop and just appreciate life for what it is.  If my family here has taught me anything at all, it’s that people matter more than your own agenda.  There were times this semester that up to 15 people were staying in our 3 bedroom house simply because they needed somewhere to go.  When is the last time you stopped, looked someone in the eye and really asked how they were doing?  I’m not saying be a good person and care for someone, I’m saying we are called to love one another and that could look like a million different things, but how are we loving? The Bible clearly instructs us to love one another in word and deed, and I’m sure that each of you would agree with that statement, but how are we living out what we read (and agree with)?

This semester was not about abrupt change, but a gradual metamorphosis.  It’s as though life is a clay pot and this semester has been a beautiful, intricate addition to the already existent masterpiece.  I wish there was a phrase or a picture or something I could give you to define my life right now-to show you what Uganda has done to me, but it is next to impossible.   I came to Uganda in hopes of clarity, but I think I am leaving with more questions than what I came with, and I’m ok with that.  Something else this semester has been about is tension-finding the balance between what we have learned and the application we are all seeking out in our daily lives.  Life as I know it has been changing for the past four months, and I know this is only the beginning. 

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”

2 Corinthians 4:7

Embrace It

 It’s December….crazy, I know.  This previous Tuesday two of my colleagues and myself went to Kampala to visit a project site.  There was one major problem with this endeavor:  none of us knew exactly where we were going, and with all three of us being girls, we knew this was going to end up being an adventure, but I certainly did not expect a little life lesson to come out of our journey.  After riding in the taxi (an outrageously packed bus) for about 30 minutes we hop out close to the Mandela Stadium.  Since we had no definite direction to our destination we followed the street names in hopes of walking upon our site.  After about an hour of walking in the rain, we discover that there are two roads with the same name, and of course, we were on the wrong one.  A nice boda boda (motorcycle) driver told us how to get in the general region of our desire location and laughed when we told him we planned to “foot” there. 

           

Being in an unknown area can be a little stressful, and being stuck in the rain during this confusing time just added to it, but the three of us pressed on.  With the rain receding and our energy depleting we jumped back on another taxi in hopes of a successful day.  When we got off our 2^nd taxi at the stage we asked another local how to get to our site…..the beautiful thing about Ugandans is that they are always willing to lend a helping hand.  The sweet little man that gave us directions this time told us to cross the street (which had some heavy traffic going on) and take the following street up the hill.  This hill turned into a mountain, and it turns out our road went all the way to the other side of it.  As the three of us were growing more and more tired and frustrated, we made it to the top of this gigantic hill.  Although our hope was dwindling, we stopped on the top of this hill to admire a part of Uganda we have never experienced.  As I stood there looking over the city, everything seemed right in the world.  It made me realize how incredible every part of my time here in Uganda has been.  Sure there are times that stress me out and challenge me, but what would life be without those times?  Life is so much better when you just embrace it.

“My Father,

I abandon myself to you.

Make of me what you will.

Whatever you make of me,

I thank you.

I am ready for everything

I accept everything.

Provided that your will be done in me,

In all our creatures,

I desire nothing else, Lord.

I put my soul in your hands,

I give it to you, Lord,

With all the love in my heart,

Because I love you,

And because it is for me a need of love

To give myself,

To put myself in your hands unreservedly,

With infinite trust.

For you are my Father!”

-Charles de Foucauld

Why Changing the World is Difficult

The past weekend we went to Lira, Uganda.  Since it was only a weekend trip, our Saturday was full of touring/visiting two different organizations.  These two organizations were Otina-waa and Helen’s shelter. 

Otina-waa is an organization that covers a wide range of things: an orphanage, a vocational training center, and a school.  Otina-waa is run by Bob and Carroll.  They are a retired couple from Oregon and are probably two of the most precious people I have ever encountered.  They did not come to Uganda until after retirement, and have now been living in the Lira district for 12 years.  Bob and Carol came to do pastoral training alongside the natives, but followed God’s guidance over the course of time and felt led to begin vocational training as well. 

The admirable part of Bob and Carol’s story is the way they follow God’s agenda instead of their own.  They did not plan on spending the next 12 years of their life meeting the needs of the Liran community, but they followed God’s lead to where they are today. After being here for so long, I have realized how quickly we as Americans are to do things our own way-assuming that we know best.  This more often than not, does more hurting than helping when it comes to meeting the needs of the people. 

I think it’s a great thing to be willing to go to another country and serve that community, but how you serve said community is very important.  Bob and Carroll sought out to meet the real needs of the people, and that is how Otina-waa came about.  Missions is a beautiful thing when done in this context.  The reason I struggle with the motives and actions of mission groups and other organizations is because there are many things they set out to do that the community itself should be doing.  And when these groups come in and take care of the problems for them, the community becomes dependent upon them instead of working together to achieve a better future.  After leaving Otina-waa, our team went to a local-ran women’s shelter. 

Helen’s Shelter is a safe haven for used and abused women and children.  Helen’s story is much different than Bob and Carols.  Helen is a native and is a female cop.  Being so involved in the community during her work, Helen saw the needs and hurts of these women.  She realized the injustice these women faced simply because it is not “culturally acceptable” for women to speak out.  She saw a need and she sought out of fulfill it. 

In life we all-too-often think changing the world means taking drastic measures and choosing a life of suffering, and in some cases, this may be true, but making a difference is really about seeing the needs of the people and meeting them.