Thursday, August 11, 2016

Peter Pan Syndrome



August is here again.  For many, August means school is back in session.  For me, August means I’ve lived another year.  As I’ve prepared to enter into the later half of my 20’s (26), I have thought and read a lot about my fellow twenty-something’s and how we have struggled to become “real adults”.  
Over the last decade or two, the number of young adults that have returned home after college, or never left, seems to have skyrocketed.  What is happening to us?  Why can’t we find real jobs and be financially responsible/independent?  

Brian Simmons defines this awkward stage of life as Emerging Adulthood.  It’s the idea of living in that place in between…knowing that they are no longer teenagers but not feeling fully grown up yet either.  Simmons goes on to say that “...they experience life for several years suspended in mid-air between the trapeze of adolescence and the trapeze of adulthood”.  

 I’ll admit that there is definitely a tension present, but there’s got to be more of an explanation than just not being able to lock in your dream job.  Part of the issue is something I like to call Peter Pan Syndrome.  Us twenty-something’s grew up at a time that aging and growing up was considered the enemy.  We’ve progressed through the years with a “Never grow up!” mentality.  

The Trap of Upward Mobility
Throughout the course of the 90’s and into the new millennium, attending a 4-year college became the norm.  We were taught and encouraged from an early age that the thing to do after high-school is go to college-because if you don’t go to college then you’ll never be able to get a good job or find anything outside of the realm of flipping burgers for the rest of your life.  

College truly is a great thing-pursuing higher education and being the best you can be is wonderful.  BUT, accumulating thousands of dollars of debt before the age of 22 is not so great.  

Dozens of my college friends thrived and even excelled from semester to semester all just to return home after 4 years of higher education.  You’ve got the degree, but no one will hire you without any work experience.  I’ve literally had this conversation with friend after friend.  So now, you can’t find a job within the realm of your degree, you have no money-scratch that, you OWE lots of money, and the only place to go is home.  

There is nothing wrong with going to college, but maybe it isn’t for everyone.  Perhaps those that do go to college need to be more intentional in seeking out real life experience rather than just reveling in your first “on your own” experience.  

My college experience shaped and molded me more than I ever imagined it would, but what shaped me the most was my work experiences while in college.  Sure, I missed out on tons of the fun activities on campus, but I had a pretty impressive and established resume for a 20 year old.  Sometimes, we have to skip what’s the most fun in order to pursue what’s the most advantageous for the future.  

Can we just blame our parents?
The answer is a big fat no. Let’s be honest here, to a certain extent, our parents were (and in many instances, still are) enablers.  Mom and Pop want to give us the things that their parents couldn’t offer to them.  For many of us, this included way too many clothes, buying our first car for us, not making us work in high school, and holding our hands all the way through college.  

Now mom and dad, we love you for it, but maybe your helping is actually hurting.  Yes, mom and dad, we will always be your babies, but as J.M. Barrie (author of Peter Pan) explained, “All children, except one, grow up.”. Adulthood is inevitable, but we’ve got to do a better job of preparing children and teens for the realities of growing up. 

Jeffery Arnett noted that since 1950 there has been a trend in America toward delaying or postponing the things which complete transformation into full adulthood.  As Americans ages twenty to twenty-nine delay their transition to full adulthood, they create another phase of the life cycle: emerging adulthood.  AKA: Peter Pan Syndrome. 

            So now we have 27 year olds working 12 hour night shifts and playing video games while their parents are at work.  We’ve gotten to a point in which seeing people in their mid-twenties still living at home is the norm. 

The age at which young adults get married has gone from 18-22 up to 27-35.  Is this because our 20-something’s don’t really understand how to adult yet?  My concern is that the issue seems much deeper than just the age in which we marry. Are we avoiding responsibility until certain things fall into place for us?  We spend this decade wandering around waiting for the next big thing rather than being a successful contributor to society in the here and now.  

            It’s time to move out of mom and dad’s basement and blaze our own trials.  It’s time to actively pursue rather than sit around waiting for everything to be handed to you on a silver platter. It’s time to stop blaming society or your degree choice. It’s time to grow up. 
“To live will be an awfully big adventure.” –J.M. Barrie

*Information gathered from Brian Simmon’s Wandering in the Wilderness, and Jeffery Arnett’s Emerging Adults in America: Coming of Age in the 21st Century.