Parenthood: Preparing is Greater Than Protecting

Like many little girls do, I started picking out baby names at a young age.  One of the names that has stuck with me as I’ve gotten a little bit older is Corban.  Children are often described as a gift from above, but this 'gift' comes with a tremendous responsibility. In the Bible corban is not a name, but a word describing something that is dedicated to the Lord or set apart for His use.   What better description is there for a child of godly parents than one dedicated to the Lord and set apart for Him? You see, we've gotten it wrong, children are indeed a gift, but this gift is not for us to keep.  

While children are a gift from the Lord and parents are blessed with the responsibility of training them up in the way they should go, we have somehow lost sight of the overarching goal.  We more often than not become so consumed with keeping this gift of the Lord to ourselves that we miss out on the greatest task of parenting: preparing them for service. 

I’ve witnessed many baby dedications in my day in which the parents and child stand before the Church and commit to raise their child in a God-honoring way with the Church’s support. Have you truly committed your child to the Lord?  What if that commitment means doing hard things? What if that commitment means allowing your child to face hard things without you there to protect them? 

Parenting is about so much more than protecting your child from the world; parenting is about preparing your child to be a servant of the Lord and a light in this dark world.   Preparing calls for risk. Preparing requires trust and obedience. 

Children are a gift and being entrusted with the task of raising this part of God's creation is a high calling.

Love your child, for he belongs to the Lord.  Prepare your child, for he is set apart for the Lord's use. 

Preparing>Protecting

Why Being a "Good Guy" Isn't Enough

I never know what to call my friends that happen to be males…Guy friends? Man friends? Anyways, several months ago one of the guys that I hang out with that really is  just a friend, offered a small revelation: boys are dumb. That’s right, a male told me that boys are dumb.  How can he be so unforgiving toward his own gender? 

He can offer such an ungracious speech because he is correct. Boys are dumb.  Now that we have that established, before I proceed, allow me to defend my guy friend by explaining that he finished his remark by saying “but girls are stupid”.  Again, the guy friend is correct.  In fact, he couldn’t be more right.

Boys are dumb and girls are stupid (not to mention needy, emotional, ridiculous, and occasionally anti-committal).  Don’t worry, this isn’t about dogging the female population either-this one’s for the guys. 

So fellahs, why the random rant?  Because I feel bad for the “good guys” that just can’t seem to win. Good guys don’t win because being a good guy isn’t enough.  Sure, the world has expectations for who you should be, but is that who you are when no one else is around?  Don’t just be a “good guy”-be a man of integrity. The world can promise you limited and fleeting success, but a man of bold conviction stands forever. 

Down here in the South, these good guys are often referred to as good ole’ boys….the problem with these “good ole’ boys” is that they never become men.  We’ve got a bunch of 20 and 30-somethings that are great at having fun and hanging out and are even glad to lend a helping hand to those stuck out in a ditch somewhere, but somewhere along the way we lost the real men….men of principles, men with self control, men pursuing their God-given purpose.

Boys are dumb, but men have integrity-men are bold.

Men are intentional. 

Boys are dumb, so be a man. Intentionally be a man.

Good guys are a dime a dozen, but a man…now that’s something worth striving to become.

Teachable Moments

If anyone would have told me 4 years ago that I would be doing Children’s ministry as a 24-year-old I would have laughed in their face.  While it has been an unexpected twist in life’s journey, I have learned oh so much in a very short amount of time.  Kids are smart and resourceful-we just need to use that power and energy for the good.  Every waking moment with a child is an incredible opportunity to plant seeds of truth within his or her heart.  Kids ask questions. A LOT of questions. Those questions lead to great, meaningful, Truth-imparting discussions.

Just last Sunday as I sat in worship with one of our kiddos the following conversation took place:

               Child: “Wesley, why do you have so much stuff underlined in your Bible?”

               Me: “Those are different scriptures that have challenged and changed me.”

               Child: “Can I underline a verse that changed me?”

I couldn’t say ‘no’ to a question like that.  The child flipped to his desired location in my Bible and when I looked back down to see what verse he chose, my heart almost melted at seeing his green markings. 

 God's Word changes us; Sunday morning reminded me of that. Adults and children alike, the Word of God is living and active in our hearts.  I encourage you, friends, parents, teachers, fellow ministers, to seize the teachable moments of our daily routine...sometimes it's the child (not us) that does the teaching.  

These Are My Confessions

Forgive us Father, for we have loved ourselves more than You and Your people.  We have attempted to take Your place and become god of our own lives. 

Forgive us Father, for we have been greedy and selfish with Your love; deeming others unworthy of receiving it.

Forgive us Father, for we have taken Your free gift of salvation and rested upon it rather than obediently going, loving, and sharing.

Forgive us Father, for we have abused Your grace like a dirty tissue.  We have twisted the freedom of forgiveness into some kind of magic eraser of sins.

Forgive us Father, for we have become frauds. We acknowledge You with our lips and deny You by our lifestyles.

Forgive us Father, for we have become so caught up in building our own kingdom that we have abandoned Yours.

Forgive us Father, for we have given You the silent treatment.  We completely ignore You while things are going our way.  Then in the face of stress we seek the comfort of worldly idols and friends rather than the True Comforter.

Forgive us Father, for we have stopped hiding Your Word in our hearts.  We have stopped caring about what You have to say about things and have focused on being “politically correct”.

Forgive us Father, for we have become a self-seeking, arrogant, hateful, judgmental, and self-righteous people. 

If We Are the Light of the World, Then Why is it So Dark?

 “You are the light of the world-like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden.  No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl.  Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:14-16

God is calling us to a pretty big assignment here…to be a light.

Every time I read this passage or think of light in general, two things come to mind: Fireworks and bugs.  I remember being both terrified and fascinated by fireworks as a child.  They were so beautiful, but so big and loud.  Even if I was a great distance away from the explosions I could still see it’s brightness and hear it’s boom.  It’s hard to miss fireworks that are near even if you are trying to avoid them-after all, even if you can’t see them, you can still hear them.  They make quite the impact.

Bugs obviously have nothing to do with fireworks, but they do have this inclined nature to draw near to light.  June bugs, moths, those pesky little gnats….they swarm the nearest light.  The way these bugs are just drawn to light reminds me of exactly what God has called us to in the verses mentioned above. 

Our lives should reflect and honor Christ to the point of others seeing our lives and drawing near to Him as a result.  As Christians, God calls us to many things, but for me the most intimidating expectation of all is this calling of being a light.  To be lights we have to get uncomfortable-we have to place ourselves in humbling circumstances-we have to love on people that we would rather just not acknowledge. 

I recently moved back to Camden and took a position at the church that raised me in the Faith.  Being back in Camden has opened my eyes to how comfortable I have become in life and how apathetic I have become in reference to being a light.  If I am called to be a light of the world, then why is there a population of people I have hardly even encountered in my own town?

This was first brought to my attention one Saturday about a month ago when a group from my church hosted back yard Bible clubs at a couple of different projects (lower economic housing developments) in Camden.  For a small town, Camden has an obscene number of poverty stricken and struggling families.  As we spent the day loving on children and sharing what Christ has to offer, I realized what a tremendous disconnect I had with this group-not because we were different races, not because we were of different socioeconomic status, but because I had never been intentional with these people until that day-And even then I was simply there because our group decided to do so for the day. 

I began to wonder how different that Saturday would have been if I had already known names….if I had already know their life stories…if I had already known why D.J. lived with his older sister instead of a parent.  What if I was already present in their lives and had established relationships?

Is spending a Saturday every 3 months or so with this group really being a light?  If that’s being a light, then why is it so dark there?  Why is it so dark in my hometown if all this time I (and we) have been a light?  My heart longs to make a difference in this and to truly be light.  My prayer is that God would provide a way for that to happen.  Pray for openness- open doors, open hearts, perhaps an open apartment for me to able to move in to and to really be present and establish relationships.  Living there is hands-down the best way to have real interaction and point others to Christ. 

Finding Prince Charming?

From a very young age, little girls everywhere are given the expectation of a man just for her that is rich, of a ‘royal lineage’, strong, and will constantly come to her rescue.  Girls are taught that it’s ok to be the damsel in distress because her true love will come to her rescue. 

While trusting that there is a Mr. Dark, tall, and handsome out there for you is not a bad thing, perhaps the expectations we have forced onto our future spouse before even encountering him is a bit unrealistic. Is it ever ok to trust and depend on a man? (No offense men…I have a point to make)  I feel that we all-too-often try to pawn off the role of God onto our male friends. We expect Mr. Right to make us happy, to define us, to make us feel wanted.  We go so far as to think that our lives are not complete without this special man.

As daughters of the King we are taught to live like him.  To love unconditionally and to trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5).  Are we really trusting in God when we don’t feel complete in Him? He completes us. He gives us purpose. In Him our true identity lies.

Does this mean that you can’t have a knight in shining armor love? Of course not, it simply means that while God may have a mate out there for you, that man is not the one you should be depending on; God is.

“Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.”

-Psalm 146:3

This does not mean that you should lose all hope in the male population or decide to enlist in your local nunnery, it simply means that while you are waiting and anticipating the arrival of your “prince charming”, never forget to remain focused on the King. In Him there is salvation. True Joy. Identity.

So instead of looking for a man that completes you, wait for the man that resembles his King.  A man that finds his identity in Christ and has learned to fully depend on the in whom there is salvation…A man that sings of your worth and draws you closer to your Fatherly King.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” –Proverbs 27:17

Why “The Bachelor” is a Youth (and Girl’s) Minister’s Worst Nightmare.

In the society we live in there are no problems recognized in spending hours in front of the television.  We seldom find family-focused programming that is advantageous and appropriate for all ages, yet most children, teens, and adults spend approximately 3 hours in front of the television everyday.  I recently came across a well-known show that has since 2002: The Bachelor. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the program, The Bachelor is about 1 man seeking a “mate” in a sea of females that dropped their current lives in hopes of becoming “the one” for this man.  In the show these women share a living quarters together while also sharing the bachelor; they fight for his attention and affection and compromise their reputations in the process.  ABC describes the show as follows:

The series revolves around a bachelor courted by 25 women. The show follows the bachelor as he goes on a series of dates with the women, some of them group dates, some one-on-one dates.

On each episode women are eliminated, generally during the rose ceremony at the end of the episode, but sometimes on the dates (during what are called "elimination dates").

The process culminates towards the end of the season with a few of the women going on overnight dates and meetings between the bachelor, the women, and their respective families.

At the end of the show, the bachelor is to pick one woman with whom he would like to continue a relationship. Sometimes he proposes marriage and sometimes other levels of commitment.

There are several problems with this picture.  For starters, there are 25 women and only one man.  This sends young girls a wide, difficult range of messages; that they should be the pursuers, and not only should they pursue instead of the man, but that they should be fighting for this man’s attention along side other girls.  This goes against the Biblical truth of being precious, rare, and worthy of being sought out. 

The show has an interesting twist in have “one-on-one” dates along with “group dates”.  On these group dates the bachelor attempts to spend equal time with all of the girls, sending the message that a guy can disperse his attention and it’s perfectly acceptable for the girl(s) to sit on the sidelines and watch when he is not with her.  Again, if a girl is to feel valued and precious, how is this to happen when she is the focus for 10 minutes and then put to the side as he moves on to the next girl?

Being unbalanced and unrealistic is only the beginning of the subliminal messages youth gather from this series.  These women are hungry for attention and what they call love, and they are sacrificing their modesty and dignity to do so.  Standing by and watching as these women dress (or undress) for attention and momentarily receive it from this man sends girls the message that it is ok to dress inappropriately for attention, and not only is it approved of, but it works!!

Since all of these women are fighting for the heart of the same man, they are willing to do whatever it takes to make the others look terrible.  This includes lies, seduction, betrayal, and even the occasional brawl.  While all of this is going on, teens are interpreting this as a means of survival and a way to get what you want when you want it.  It sends the message that these things are acceptable when they get you ahead in the game-yet we wonder why this generation is all about self and doing whatever it takes to be ‘happy’. 

As I mentioned before these ladies put their lives on pause to pursue this bachelor.  While I cannot imagine sacrificing my time, plans, and agenda to spend time with a man and 24 other ladies, these women compromised their dreams and aspirations in hopes of finding love.  In the ending episodes of the show the remaining women spend the night with the bachelor and begin really discussing the possibilities of the future.  Not only do these women give up their lifestyles of pre-bachelor, but they give themselves away sexually in hopes of winning the bachelors love.  All of this is done before he even commits to one of the ladies.  Dreams and aspirations can be compromised and changed, but sex cannot.   We have belittled the sacredness of sex and the value of trusting God to draw us to one another in His timing.  Girls need to know their worth, not feel like they are dispensable.