All Over Again

Life as I know it is about to change once again.  Last night (December 9^th) was my last night with my Ugandan family.  We have three days of debrief in Entebbe and then I am Arkansas bound.  It feels like just last week I was arriving in Uganda and now I am leaving once again.  I remember thinking about how different my life here in Uganda was going to be, and I was right….my time here has changed my life, but more than that, it has changed how I value things; especially people. 

It is all too easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and miss out on the incredible people that God has placed within your life.  My time here has taught me to slow down; to stop and just appreciate life for what it is.  If my family here has taught me anything at all, it’s that people matter more than your own agenda.  There were times this semester that up to 15 people were staying in our 3 bedroom house simply because they needed somewhere to go.  When is the last time you stopped, looked someone in the eye and really asked how they were doing?  I’m not saying be a good person and care for someone, I’m saying we are called to love one another and that could look like a million different things, but how are we loving? The Bible clearly instructs us to love one another in word and deed, and I’m sure that each of you would agree with that statement, but how are we living out what we read (and agree with)?

This semester was not about abrupt change, but a gradual metamorphosis.  It’s as though life is a clay pot and this semester has been a beautiful, intricate addition to the already existent masterpiece.  I wish there was a phrase or a picture or something I could give you to define my life right now-to show you what Uganda has done to me, but it is next to impossible.   I came to Uganda in hopes of clarity, but I think I am leaving with more questions than what I came with, and I’m ok with that.  Something else this semester has been about is tension-finding the balance between what we have learned and the application we are all seeking out in our daily lives.  Life as I know it has been changing for the past four months, and I know this is only the beginning. 

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”

2 Corinthians 4:7

Embrace It

 It’s December….crazy, I know.  This previous Tuesday two of my colleagues and myself went to Kampala to visit a project site.  There was one major problem with this endeavor:  none of us knew exactly where we were going, and with all three of us being girls, we knew this was going to end up being an adventure, but I certainly did not expect a little life lesson to come out of our journey.  After riding in the taxi (an outrageously packed bus) for about 30 minutes we hop out close to the Mandela Stadium.  Since we had no definite direction to our destination we followed the street names in hopes of walking upon our site.  After about an hour of walking in the rain, we discover that there are two roads with the same name, and of course, we were on the wrong one.  A nice boda boda (motorcycle) driver told us how to get in the general region of our desire location and laughed when we told him we planned to “foot” there. 

           

Being in an unknown area can be a little stressful, and being stuck in the rain during this confusing time just added to it, but the three of us pressed on.  With the rain receding and our energy depleting we jumped back on another taxi in hopes of a successful day.  When we got off our 2^nd taxi at the stage we asked another local how to get to our site…..the beautiful thing about Ugandans is that they are always willing to lend a helping hand.  The sweet little man that gave us directions this time told us to cross the street (which had some heavy traffic going on) and take the following street up the hill.  This hill turned into a mountain, and it turns out our road went all the way to the other side of it.  As the three of us were growing more and more tired and frustrated, we made it to the top of this gigantic hill.  Although our hope was dwindling, we stopped on the top of this hill to admire a part of Uganda we have never experienced.  As I stood there looking over the city, everything seemed right in the world.  It made me realize how incredible every part of my time here in Uganda has been.  Sure there are times that stress me out and challenge me, but what would life be without those times?  Life is so much better when you just embrace it.

“My Father,

I abandon myself to you.

Make of me what you will.

Whatever you make of me,

I thank you.

I am ready for everything

I accept everything.

Provided that your will be done in me,

In all our creatures,

I desire nothing else, Lord.

I put my soul in your hands,

I give it to you, Lord,

With all the love in my heart,

Because I love you,

And because it is for me a need of love

To give myself,

To put myself in your hands unreservedly,

With infinite trust.

For you are my Father!”

-Charles de Foucauld

Why Changing the World is Difficult

The past weekend we went to Lira, Uganda.  Since it was only a weekend trip, our Saturday was full of touring/visiting two different organizations.  These two organizations were Otina-waa and Helen’s shelter. 

Otina-waa is an organization that covers a wide range of things: an orphanage, a vocational training center, and a school.  Otina-waa is run by Bob and Carroll.  They are a retired couple from Oregon and are probably two of the most precious people I have ever encountered.  They did not come to Uganda until after retirement, and have now been living in the Lira district for 12 years.  Bob and Carol came to do pastoral training alongside the natives, but followed God’s guidance over the course of time and felt led to begin vocational training as well. 

The admirable part of Bob and Carol’s story is the way they follow God’s agenda instead of their own.  They did not plan on spending the next 12 years of their life meeting the needs of the Liran community, but they followed God’s lead to where they are today. After being here for so long, I have realized how quickly we as Americans are to do things our own way-assuming that we know best.  This more often than not, does more hurting than helping when it comes to meeting the needs of the people. 

I think it’s a great thing to be willing to go to another country and serve that community, but how you serve said community is very important.  Bob and Carroll sought out to meet the real needs of the people, and that is how Otina-waa came about.  Missions is a beautiful thing when done in this context.  The reason I struggle with the motives and actions of mission groups and other organizations is because there are many things they set out to do that the community itself should be doing.  And when these groups come in and take care of the problems for them, the community becomes dependent upon them instead of working together to achieve a better future.  After leaving Otina-waa, our team went to a local-ran women’s shelter. 

Helen’s Shelter is a safe haven for used and abused women and children.  Helen’s story is much different than Bob and Carols.  Helen is a native and is a female cop.  Being so involved in the community during her work, Helen saw the needs and hurts of these women.  She realized the injustice these women faced simply because it is not “culturally acceptable” for women to speak out.  She saw a need and she sought out of fulfill it. 

In life we all-too-often think changing the world means taking drastic measures and choosing a life of suffering, and in some cases, this may be true, but making a difference is really about seeing the needs of the people and meeting them.  

Reality Check

With just a few days more than a month left in Uganda, I want to share some of my recent realizations and convictions from this semester. 

For starters, there are starving children in Africa, but not to the extent in which American propaganda portrays.  The truth is, Africa-Uganda specifically- does a great job tending to orphans and others that are facing suffering.  When a child is left without parents, the community takes him or her in as their own.  Ugandans appreciate the aid that Americans offer when it comes to the downtrodden, but they are also aware of their own community obligations and biblical mandates.

 Seeing this kind sadness first hand completely changes your perspective on things.  I feel that the media often bombards us with so much pain and suffering in the world that we just become numb to it.  Numbness is our response because the way we are informed leaves us feeling overwhelmed and unable to help…..when we are no longer able to recognize suffering persons as fellow human beings, their pain evokes disgust and anger rather than compassion. 

Living in Uganda for a semester does not turn everyone into a Mother Theresa, but it does force you to live life from a new perspective-being completely aware of the lack and hurt in our surroundings.  Doing life with these people changes your perspective in ways that a “feed the children” commercial could never dream.  I did not understand solidarity with a group of people until this semester.  While being here, I have encountered several NGO’s and other teams that come in for a few weeks in hopes of making a difference, but they wind up doing more harm than good.  The reason they do more hurting than helping is because they do not spend enough time with the people. They do not take the time to understand the real needs of the community.

It’s not that NGO’s are incapable of doing good or being here for the “right reasons”; I’m sure they have the best of motives, but when you give someone a fish instead of the supplies to fish for themselves, where is their next “fish” going to come from once you are gone?  Taking time to understand the real needs of the community and establishing the necessary relationships to meet those needs may take more time, but it will also have a greater impact. 

What does this mean for the Church?

We must face the facts: There is great amount of pain in the world, but we also serve a great God.  When overwhelmed by the needs of the world, we are still expected to make an impact. Not only should we still strive to make an impact, but we need to have the right motives in doing so. In 1 Corinthians, Paul tells us to “Do everything in love” (16:14). Turning a deaf ear to the pains in this world will not fix anything.  “As long as religious people are well dressed, well fed, and well cared for, words about being in solidarity with the poor will remain pious words more likely to evoke good feelings than creative actions”.  Once you really walk in their shoes and do life together-see the pain, smell the pollution,  hear the stories first hand, it is much harder to use being overwhelmed as an excuse.  The truth is, God often calls us to places we would rather not go…..those places are often stinky, dirty, and dark, but it is in those places that we are called to bring light.  As long as we continue to avoid what God intends for us, we will continue to miss the life that God calls us to.  Faint Not

Extraordinarily Ordinary

One of the biggest frustrations about being here this semester is the pedestal everyone back home seems to place on the idea of being here.  Spending 4 1/2 months in Uganda is not some type of suffering grievance; I came here by choice and out of opportunity.  The truth is, being a Christian in Uganda is even easier than being one in the States....God seems closer as you seem to cling to Him all the more.

The real heros here are the moms that give all their time and affection to ensure a beautiful life for their children, the pastors that make hospital visits even though they are tired, the friend that gives an encouraging word, the dad that works hard to support his family, and the many others that are doing ministry in the here and now; whatever and wherever that may be for each person.

We all want to make a difference in the world, but the world includes where you are right now. As the body of Christ we are all called to be the hands and feet of Jesus rather that be in Camden, Jonesboro,Walnut Ridge, or Uganda-to be the change you want to see in the world. I'm not going to be in Uganda forever.  In fact, I will be back in the U.S. in 41 days.  This semester is just a small season in my life, and according to Ecclesiastics, "there is a time for everything".  What time is it for you?  Are you willing to go wherever He leads?  Are we being Jesus in the here and now?  


Uganda may sound special or adventurous, but everyday life is just as valuable.  Each extraordinarily ordinary day is our opportunity to live the life God has for us.  May we always make the most of it no matter where it may be.  

Mud Huts and Bare Baby Butts

It’s always an adventure going to villages where “muzungu” sightings are rare.  It’s even more of an adventure when you are staying in that village for a week with a native family you have never met before. 

Patrick and Joy are the proud parents of 5 boys (now all young men) and have spent their entire lives in the area of Kapchorwa.  Patrick is the headmaster of a school about 30 minutes (walking distance) from their home, while Joy teaches at a school roughly 45 minutes away if you cut through the coffee beans and cow fields.  While teaching is their career, Patrick and Joy are also subsistence farmers along with 80% of Ugandans. 

You may wonder why Patrick and Joy walk so far to go to work, but having a car is obsolete when you live on the side of a mountain with very few roads. 

Several times over the course of the week I found myself asking “Is this real life”?  Like when I woke up in the middle of the night, climbed out of my mosquito net, walked around the cows, and through the coffee beans to go to the latrine.  Like when I walked half-way up a mountain to fill up a jerry can of water from a small spring flowing off a cliff.  Like when I milked a cow (and got chased by one!).  Like when I walked and walked and walked with two of the neighbor girls that spoke absolutely no English, not knowing where they were taking me until we made it to the top of this incredible rock that over looks the entire city…..I could go on and on about the past week of my life and how adventurous it has been, but that’s not the point at all.  The point is that there are hundreds of beautiful people in a beautiful, mountainous city near Kenya that matter to God.

You may be wondering by now why we went to Kapchowra to begin with, and the answer to that is life.  To live life with these people and share The Life with them.  As I have said before, and I am sure I will say again, God is already present in Uganda.  I did not come to tell them about Jesus, for they already know.  I have come to give, experience, and live Love.  The kind of love that only comes from the Father and His Church. 

The title of this post is what most think of in relation to Africa, and it’s true, there are mud huts (I lived in one this week), and seeing naked babies is like seeing mosquitoes in Arkansas, but there is much more to Africa; just as there is much more to the gospel than simply knowing about Jesus. 

May we never underestimate the value of a person or the richness of the Gospel. 

There's Always Hope

Meet Margaret.  She is a 19 year old University student from Luweero, Uganda, and she is HIV+.  Maggie was born into AIDS and her family had no hope in her surviving.  You see, having a child with AIDS means another mouth to feed, but it's a mouth that won't last.  Most children like Maggie are abandoned by their parents at birth due to their limiting illness, but Margaret was different.  Since both parents were infected, they kept Maggie around along with her four other siblings.
          Maggie's father died "of a long illness" (AIDS) when she was 7.  Unaware of her condition until the age of 10, Maggie faced a challenging and sickly childhood.  Maggie realized that she was HIV+ when her mother was on her death bed.....as her mom lay dying, she instructed Maggie's older sister to "(don't) let her suffer and die in the way I did".  But Maggie's sister was only 21 and already had two children of her own to tend to.  Money was tight, and hospital visits and medications were far too expensive.  In the same year that her mother died, Maggie became exceedingly ill, losing an extreme amount of weight, but the financial demand to tend to Maggie was far too much.  Her sister knew she was going to die soon and decided to toss her off to someone else.
           Father Jerry has been a catholic priest in the Luweero area for the past 17 years, and took Maggie in as his own at the age of 11.  He took her to the clinics, paid for the needed medications, and got her back in school.  "Without him, I would have been dead 8 years ago, but he gave me hope" Maggie claimed.
            Being HIV+ is an embarrassment to Maggie, and she feels that life is very unfair in this manner considering that she inherited it from her parents.  She often found herself wondering why God would allow her to be infected while her four siblings are completely healthy, but she continued in saying "There's always hope".......I am overcoming AIDS and others can too.

Uganda is ranked 14th in the AIDS nation, this is due to lack of knowledge, resources, and people like Father Jerry.  There is hope for Maggie and there is hope for thousands of others suffering from the same cause.  When talking to Father Jerry, he explained why he did what he did.  He looked us in the eyes and told us that that little girl deserved a life, and now she has one...."to me that's all that matters".  He continued in saying that "AIDS victims just want someone to care-someone to look them in the eye and smile-that is what makes life worth it; what makes paying for the drugs and surviving worth it".

What are we doing in response to this?  How can we impact the fight with AIDS?  How can we offer hope?

Decisions, or lack there of....

Life is so different here in Uganda compared to the way a typical day pans out back in the States.  When i wake up in the morning here I spend 5 seconds at the most-picking from my 8 shirts-which one I want to wear for the day.  Back home I would have my clothing picked out the night before and proceed to change my mind at least 4 times the next morning.  Of course having less options makes the decision making process much easier (and shorter), but my limits here are by choice.  I have way too much stuff back home, but that's just it....back home.

For the Ugandans this is home, what you see is all there is: no more, no less.  While living here for the semester even when I miss an abundance of items, I have the comforting reminder that I will return to all my un-needed accessories within a few months..... I guess that is exactly how an American is expected to respond to poverty.

Being here has changed my thoughts on the "necessities" of life.  After being here for over a month simplicity has become a beautiful thing.  Even food options are limited here. During lunch at school we have the choice of rice and beans or rice and beef flavored soup.  I can tell you the variety of foods we have at home in a week on one hand.  If I were back at Williams this semester I wouldn't even eat the same thing within a two week span of time.

Instead of spending so much time deciding on what to wear, or eat or where to go this weekend, I am spending my time trying to figure out how to serve God more, how to love these people more, how to make every day worth while.

"He must become greater and greater and I must become less and less" John 3:30

Relationship, Relationship, Relationship

People matter everywhere, but in Uganda everyone seems to matter just a little bit more.  Community is the number one priority here.  Where the West says "I think, therefore I am" Uganda says "I participate, therefore I am".  In all aspects of life your fellow man still matters more than your own needs. Your purpose in life is to improve the community as a whole, therefore if you have nothing to contribute, you have no sense of belonging....maybe Uganda has a better picture of the Church than we do.

A man is not considered complete until he has a wife.  A marriage is not established until they have a child.  When someone dies there is a time of mourning followed by a community wide celebration of the life lived. The entire community raises a child, not just his father and mother.  If one store does not have what you need, the owner will personally walk you down to someone else's that has what you are looking for.

When looking for a place to live in the West we are told it's all about 'location, location, location', but here you would be told 'relationship, relationship, relationship'.  How does the community show that they care for one another?

These relationships go all across the board.  "Bro-mance" is a popular phrase some of the missions students here has labeled Uganda as due to the affection and care shown by the men for the fellow man.  It's so encouraging to see individuals take a genuine interest in their fellow man.  Even casual acquaintances are more valued.  You greet everyone, because everyone matters.

Uganda has some much more to give me than what I could ever offer them.

Life Is Worth The Living

Today was my first full day at CHAIN and it was absolutely precious!  For the first half of the day I helped teach the creation story and after prayer time and a 30 minute lunch break, we resumed class. The next subject to cover was mathematics.  The class I am helping with is Primary three, which is (roughly) ages 7-10.  In this class of 54 children there are 10 blind children, so I spent the afternoon reading out fractal word problems and helping them solve the questions once they had the problem written out in brail. 

As I mentioned, before lunch time there is an hour set aside for worship and prayer.  The service in predominately in Luganda, but the kids sang a few songs in English.  One of the songs they sang was Because He Lives.  It was so moving to listen to over 100 precious, abandoned orphans sing of hope in the future and life being worth living even though their parents labeled them as worthless. 

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives!

 It's days like this that make life worth the living to me. 

Word Vomit

The following are incomplete thoughts that somehow explain my exacts feelings (and life) right now:

 If you can't afford the postage, place it in their hands. 

 Peace.  Rejoice.  He is the LORD; let him do what is good in his eyes. 

 My Portion.  Every second counts.  Intentionality.  

Cling to what is good.  Be transformed.

Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.

My Favorite Part

This week began the best and most precious aspect of my semester.  CHAIN is an organization that offers a home for orphans and the blind while also giving them a quality education. 

Children

Health

Advocacy

Intervention

Network

Every Thursday for the next 10 weeks I will be spending the day with over 100 precious children.  Children with disabilities are often overlooked in Ugandan society, even more so than orphans, so CHAIN has the goal of speaking worth into these children while offering life skills.  They want to ingrain these children with the fact that they matter to God and to society, for we all have something to offer.  I am looking forward to the time we are going to spend together and investing in these precious kids. J

Poverty, Famine, and Joy

  Poverty is the absence of hope. When thinking of poverty in this perspective it is very hard to look at Uganda as a “poverty-stricken” country. Ugandans are very gracious and live life in a way that gives every person (even children) value. The biggest difference between Ugandans and Americans is their humility in times of worship. At Uganda Christian University we have community worship (chapel) twice a week, and it is the highlight of my week.  The way students here approach the throne of God is inspiring. I get chills from attending worship….not because I’m in Africa, but because I experience God in a different way in this place.

 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”.  Matthew 5:3

Grace is the famine of our lives in America.  I feel that all too often we do not come to God in the humility that is being exemplified by our Ugandan brothers and sisters. When I think of Uganda, I do not think of their lack of financial resources, but their being poor in spirit.  They are able to look at the nothingness we have all arisen from and thank God for bringing them out of it.

 Joy is a response of the heart, not an adaptation of circumstances. The people here have next to nothing, but their lives reflect otherwise.  The joy and love of those I have encountered thus far here in Uganda is overwhelming.  Never before have I experienced such hospitality and humility.

As I prepared to come to Uganda my main thoughts were how I could help while I’m here, not what I could learn or get out of it, but to my surprise, I have learned more in the past three weeks about grace, change, life, and humility than I prepared myself for.  Africa does not need our help; they need our friendship.

Friends encourage in times of poverty, thrive off of mercy in times of famine, and keep love deep within their hearts for one another.  That is what Africa needs….it’s what we all need. 

Just a typical weekend in Uganda :)

This was my first weekend to be at home here in Uganda, and it involved quite a range of activities.  Saturday consisted of helping make lunch and dinner for the day, which is an adventure in itself.  Our kitchen is outside in a small tin building....it consists of two "stoves" (3 bricks with space to put fire wood in between).  I spent a solid hour peeling matooke, which is "the food of Africa and Heaven" according to my Ugandan mother....we eat it for lunch and dinner.  It looks like a weird banana before it's peeled, and once it's cooked it looks like a heavier version of mashed potatoes.  Speaking of potatoes, peeling them is another job I've taken on.  Potatoes, or Irish as we call them here, are also served with the majority of our meals....even for breakfast sometimes.  So after peeling lots of matooke and potatoes, I butchered a chicken...that was an experience in itself :) One that I'm hoping to never relive.  I spent the rest of the day playing with my little brother and doing homework, but even playing is different here.....Enoch has no toys, but views the world as his playground.  I admire the freedom in that.

Life is life no matter where you live it

Although this semester is quite a bit different than my typical time at Williams, it's still life.  I still have to wash clothes....just by hand.  I still eat in a cafeteria for lunch everyday...there's just a lot less options (rice, beans, and bananas).  And I still have a family.  I'm pretty sure my family will be my favorite part about my time in Uganda.

My Father, Reverend Henry is the pastor for the Church of Uganda and looks two times younger than what he is.  My Mothers name is Irene, and she keeps the house all tied together along with Rev. Henry's two sisters: Jessica and Bekah.  Jessica is 24 and Bekah is 22...they do most of the cooking.  Irene and Henry only have 2 actual children: Enoch (age 5) and Elezar (8 months).  Our house has three bed rooms, two bathrooms, one "kitchen" sink, a living room/eating area, and a small room for ironing clothes.   In Uganda it is very common to take in extra children/teens as well, so my family not only has Jessica, Bekah, Enoch, Elezar, and me living there, but 2 young men as well.  The two guys live in a small building behind our house, but shares meals with us.  They are all absolutely precious!

Although I'm used to dorm life, spending the evenings helping make dinner and playng with my little brothers is the highlight of my day.  Life is still life here in Uganda....it just looks a little different.

The Rwandan Birthday

Being right on the equator, it gets bright pretty quickly, but I managed to wake up and make it outside just in time to see the most incredible sunrise…..for some reason everything is just more spectacular in Africa. I cannot possibly think of a better way to spend my birthday than the day that followed. On Sunday, August 28^th our team of students woke up planning to spend the morning worshipping with our Rwandan bothers and sisters.  Having been to several (culturally) different churches, most of Sunday’s activities did not come as a surprise to me.  Just like any church service, we sat and stood multiple times for worship, prayers, scripture reading, and finally sat in expectation of the message. After the sermon, there was a special act of worship; a dance.  After a while the dancers had us join in, sorry my fellow Baptists! ;)  This was awkward and uncomfortable for us, but the act in itself was beautiful.  The freedom these people have in Christ is evident far beyond their time of dancing.

The emphasis of our trip to Rwanda was to learn about the Genocide, and we saw several effects of it first hand at church that morning.  One woman even had a 4 inch long machete slash on her forehead….the people there almost act as if the genocide itself never occurred, but the scars and the memorials remain. 

For the next three nights we stayed at a Catholic guest house outside of Kigali, and there was a memorial right outside our room…..less than 20 years ago people were slaughtered right there.  I don’t understand how people can act as if nothing ever happened.  Even the woman with a gash in her head did not seem to doubt God’s goodness and plan through it all.  

Although this birthday was spent learning about the death of others, I have never before seen so much life.  

The Here and Now

After spending 25+ hours in the air, we arrived in Uganda around 7 p.m. (East African time) last night.  We stayed in the dorms of UCU (Uganda Christian University) for the night to prepare for a busy day ahead. Today has been filled with meetings, meetings, and good food.  Tonight I will meet my host family and spend the evening with them.  Tomorrow me and 29 other students will head to Rwanda for the week.  Since it is the “winter” season  over here, we are wandering around in 80 degree weather….not too bad, if I may so say myself.  I am greatly anticipating what the next 4 months hold! 

Leaving is hard, but going is easy.

Over the past week, saying goodbye has become difficult as the time to go to Uganda approaches.  I hate sad, sappy moments when everyone feels like life will never be the same, but I guess they are right.....Life will never be the same.  Today I realized that life never being is the same is a good thing.  Some people adapt to change a little bit better than others, but I think it's more about the willingness to embrace change rather than change itself that really, well, changes us.

What brought this to my attention is a passage that I recently shared with a friend as I was dealing with leaving.  In Matthew chapter 4 (verses 18-22), Jesus calls his first disciples.  In verse 19, Jesus gives them a simple invitation: "Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men". The response of these fishermen blows me away.  Verse 20 says "At once they left their nets and followed him".

In bold obedience, the first disciples dropped everything they owned, knew, and loved to follow the calling of Jesus.  I can't imagine the thought process of these men! To give up everything immediately.  I wish we all responded to God's callings in this type of obedience!!


 At this point in time, the disciples had no idea the adventures that would take place in their own lives as a result of following the Savior.  On the other had, they also had no idea of the heartache, disappointment and punishment they would face.

In my own life, whenever I have to make a decision, I think about how it immediately affects me-not the end result.  I wonder which of these is more of the disciples thought process.  If I were on the boat that day when Jesus called them to drop everything and follow him, I would have hesitated, just like I did when I was beginning to apply for the Uganda trip.

I knew being accepted for this trip meant leaving everything I knew and everything (and one) I loved.  That was my first thought, not the end result.  I knew that leaving in itself would be one of the hardest things to not only do, but also explain to everyone else.  I will never forget the response of the students at Central when I told them I was going to Uganda for a semester.....they focused on the immediate effects as well.  With disappointed faces, I heard "you're going to leave us?" over and over again.  That broke my heart.  I tried to explain  my leaving in a positive way by saying that it was only for a semester, or that I would be doing mission work, but no matter how I said it, my leaving meant things were changing: that life would never be the same.

The disciples may not have known what to expect as the end result of following Jesus, but their instincts at the time told them it would be worth it.  I knew leaving everyone would be hard for me, but I knew that going to Uganda would be worth it.  The disciples learned in one day what took me 7 months to realize: Leaving is hard, but going is easy.  When you are doing what you know you are supposed to do, it becomes worth it, no matter the cost.  For the disciples, this meant leaving their family, friends, jobs, and a consistent life, and they did it anyways-yet we hesitate at even the smallest beckoning of the Holy Spirit out of fear; we fear our plans and our lives getting interrupted.

I pray that we all become obedient to God's leading-even if that requires leaving and going, because even if we don't like it, life really will never be the same.

Time, or lack there of.

This evening I was talking to a friend and realized that I leave in 32 days....we might as well say a month.  As expected, summer has flown by, and several of the things on my "to do" list have not exactly gotten done, and several things have gotten pushed to the side. To me, how you spend your time is a reflection of what you truly value in life.  Looking back over summer thus far, I feel much time was wasted.  In this case, wasted time means placing value on things that do not matter (or should not be my focus).  There were some great things accomplished and some lives changed, but so much more could have been done if I was more focused on things beyond myself. 

My prayer for all of you and myself as I prepare to leave for Uganda is this:  Let us set our minds attention and our hearts affection on Christ.

Time with the Lord is never time wasted, but valued. 

Proverbs 20:24- Obedience Does Not Require Understanding

          Even though I am fully aware of my leaving in August, it is still very strange to tell others my future plans.  I know I'm going to Uganda, but it still blows me away for some reason. At Central, graduation for the high school seniors was this past week and we spent sometime on Sunday listening to them talk of their future plans.  When I was in their stage of life (three years ago) I had my next 10 years mapped out....90% of what I'm doing now is not anywhere close to the plans I had then.  

         Several of the seniors have not committed to a life plan, a major, or even a school yet, but are simply waiting for the blanks to be filled in on God's timing.  I'm not disappointed in  not following the plans I had leaving high school, in fact where I'm at now is so much better than what I had planned anyways. As my plans changed over the years I did not understand why, and I still don't, but I listen to the One leading me anyways. 

As I was spending time in the Word this morning I was reminded of the fact that it's okay to not understand what you're doing or how you got there.  

"A man's steps are from the LORD; how then can man understand his way?" 

 

Thankfully we are not required (or expected) to always understand, but to simply obey.  Obedience after all, does not require understanding, but action. 

My Decider

At Central we just finished a series titled: "One Word".  We were all given a small stack of post-it notes to write down simple words that describe who God is to us.  With that being said, I should explain that college is a weird place to be in life. You're on your own with a million different directions and possibilities.  There are so many decisions to make that you develop this fear of one wrong choice determining the rest of your life. 

I ate lunch with a friend who is in the same boat as me earlier this week and as we talked, a new word came into mind.  Decider.  We have all these choices to make, but the truth is God takes care of all that for us! He is our Decider.  Below is my own version of Psalm 23 that has led me to a greater trust in our Savior. 

The Lord is my decider, I shall not choose on a whim.

 He makes unsurpassed plans for me; Ones I could never fathom. 

He restores my focus in times of distress.  He leads me in paths of purpose

 for His name’s sake. 

Even though I walk in blind paths, I will fear no direction,

for You guide me with Your Word and hand,

 they bring me to commitment. 

You prepare the ways I go in the presence of the confused;

You anoint my feet with trust; my ways are boundless.

Surely your light and truth shall lead me all the days of my life

 And I shall live in Your will forever.

God Knows Everything

I know the title of this post seems ridiculously obvious, but I somehow find myself always needing this reminder.  The past few weeks have been full of frustration for me as I prepare to make major decisions about life post Uganda.  It's crazy to realize that only a semester of college is left for me once I get back...that means really figuring out what I'm going to do with my life.  There are so many places I could go and things I could do, but the real question here is not what I am going to do, but why I'm going to do it and who is leading me there. 

My biggest fear is that I will end up in this incredibly ideal situation, but miss out on what God wants for me.  As I was spending some time praying for guidance today I was reminded of this simple truth: God knows everything.  So maybe my "decisions" are not a matter of deciding, but waiting.  Waiting for God to point out the direction, the answer, the plan....for some reason He does this in small steps.  I guess it wouldn't be waiting without those steps! 

As I wait and listen, listen and wait, I long to see what God is going to do, because lets face, He already knows.  As I wait, I find comfort in knowing that He already has it covered.  No matter what plans we have for the future, God is still the one calling the shots!

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

Trust Him.

All the way, right away, with a happy heart

Obedience, a theme painted all throughout the Bible and our day to day lives.

  As I have said before, I like to have things planned out, organized, and ready to be done before I can even rethink the upcoming events.  I have realized that my plans are all too often trumped by something bigger, better, and more radical in God's scheme of things.  I never planned to spend a semester in Uganda.....I planned to fly through four years of college and do something with my life, but that's the problem.  I focused on future tense things instead of considering what I am doing in the now.

In James we are told not to brag about the future because we claim it as our own instead of listening for and obeying God's voice (or even considering His plan).  When I planned the next several years of my life absolutely none of what I am doing now was listed.  As God pointed me in a different directions than what I had planned it frustrated me....I knew this would make things harder.  But we aren't promised an easy route.  We are just told to be obedient to His call.  The best definition of obedience I have ever been given is "all the way, right away, with a happy heart".  When God tells us to do something we are to obey....it's as simple as that.  "Anyone, then who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it sins." James 4:17

Being someone that wants to know the layout for my entire life, I often ask God what He wants from me, but the truth is I already know.....we have an entire book dedicated to instructing us in how to live.  We ask not because we do not know, but because we are hoping somehow God will change his mind to match what we have already planned for our own lives.

" He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God". Micah 6:8

When you commit to something you do it all the way, when it matters to you, you do it right away, when you realize it's worth, you do it with a happy heart regardless of what the request or instruction is. When God speaks, I want to respond in obedience, not regret.  Obedience, after all does not require understanding, but action.


All the way, right away, with a happy heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSGAnIIyaqw

Four letters that change my life continuously

L.O.V.E.

It's a word we hear in all the new songs, a phrase we hear a mother say to her child, a way we live.  Love is a word that scares me to death.  It calls for commitment and sacrifice. When I say I love someone I am expressing my utmost dedication to them......I might as well say "I will do anything in the world for you and your happiness".  I have been working my way through the book of Hosea for the past week or so and am continuously blown away by this perfect picture of love that God portrays to and through Israel (Gomer).

When God calls us to do hard things we think He has traded us off for something better or completely forgotten about us altogether, but God tells Hosea to go and marry a prostitute even though the two of them are completely aware of her unfaithfulness. In the same way, I think God has us experience difficult circumstances.  In Hosea's story, he searches out Gomer multiple times in hopes of her finally being faithful.  This is to show the reader how God is constantly in pursuit of us even when we are disobedient or literally run from Him and His plans for our lives. 

After getting my acceptance letter for Uganda love took on a new definition for me.  I'm sure we would all say we love God, but do we love what He is doing in our lives?  Uganda is a hard thing for me.  (It's not God telling me to go marry a man-whore, but it's still not easy!)  Going means leaving everything.  My friends, my family, my work, all my future plans......all the things that I value and enjoy.  Do I love God to the point that I am willing to give all of this up for a semester in another country?  I don't know if the better word here is "love" or "trust".  The two words are becoming one in the same for me.  If we love Him then wouldn't we trust Him? 

Hosea trusted and loved God enough to be obedient to the point of marrying a prostitute.  God did this all to show how He dearly loves His people (that includes you and me).  "For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings" (Hosea 6:6)  Love of God requires action; mercy, obedience, and trust.  We do these things because He loves us.  Obedience does not require understanding, but it does requires trust.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth"  1 John 3:18

Never say "Never"

Since October of 2010 I have been prayerfully considering going to Uganda for a semester.  This all came about as a joke at first, but the more I poked at it, the more I felt led to really consider it.  Life does strange things to me (well, to everyone I guess....but I can only speak for myself).  There are three things that I remember saying that I would  never do in life:

1. Work at a BIG church.

2. Go to Williams Baptist College.

3. Spend a portion of my life overseas.

If you know anything at all about me, you know that the first two have been a HUGE part of my life for the past three years.  The third, has had an even bigger impact without even taking place. 

           When Uganda started to become a real consideration I freaked.  I didn't want to leave Williams for a semester.....I didn't want to leave my Central kids and church family.  The truth is, I knew it was going to be uncomfortable, hard, complicated and a lot more difficult than just staying in Walnut Ridge and finishing school.  This would ruin all my plans.  As I started the application process I knew that applying would not guarantee that I would get to go, but at least then I could "prove" to myself that I was willing to go.  

I am supposed to find out about Uganda on the 17th of this month (10 days from now).  I haven't told many people about this possible next step in my life because I wanted to know for sure that I was going before I told everyone, but I am not writing this to announce my decision or the direction of my life.  I am writing this to explain what God has taught me through it all. 

I think that as believers we are all called to go. To go everywhere, not just Walnut Ridge or Jonesboro, or even just Arkansas, but to all nations.  We are called to live uncomfortably so that others can taste and see that the Lord is good.  How we spend our time and money is a reflection of our hearts....ouch.  I have become so used to having all these "resources" to myself...all these things that could be spent on others.  

In the waiting time to find out about Uganda I have thought quite a bit on not only how I spend my time, but why I spend my time in this way.  If Christ calls us to do hard things then why has my life seemed so easy over the past three years? I'm not saying applying to spend a semester in another country is hard for everyone, I am simply saying that life as I know it right now is easy.  This leads me to believe that something is not right.  I am praying to go, but willing to stay....yet another thing I thought I would never do.