I'll Make A Man Out of You

If you’re a Disney fan, then you immediately heard the beat of a drum and Donny Osmond singing as you read the title of this post. For those of you that are not Disney fans, or too young to remember the movie Mulan from 1998, here’s a synopsis: Mulan is a girl, the only child of her honored family. When the Huns invade China, one man from every family is called to arms. Mulan's father, who has an old wound and cannot walk properly, decides to fight for his country and the honor of his family-though it is clear that he will not survive an enemy encounter. 

Mulan, who just got rejected by the matchmaker (arranger of marriages) because she had set her on fire, decides to prove that she is worth something and steals away to take her father's place in the Chinese army. Mulan then joins the other troopers at a training camp under the leadership of a man named Shang. Shang has a zero-tolerance policy for weak, lazy, immature men-hence the name of the song I’ll Make A Man Out of You. 

So many women have a Shang approach to dating. I love a good project-as do most women-and that has unfortunately carried over into the dating world. But ladies, it is NOT our job to take a boy and mold him into a man.  

Trying to be in a relationship with a man’s “potential” is risky (not to mention exhausting!). You find yourself investing all of this time and energy all for the result of little-to-no return. What we see as building him up and encouraging him, turns out to just be making things more convenient for him. STOP. IT. 

It’s like hiring an employee and giving him a complete benefit package before he’s even become qualified for the job. He’s not going to learn the necessary skills when you are over compensating for him. In fact, he’ll do as little as possible; just enough to get by and get what he wants. Do you really think enabling him is going to push him to higher levels? 

It’s not your job to build a man.